I've Had My Eye on You for Years

Sounds a bit stalker-ish doesn't it? Makes you envision some guy in the bushes with night vision goggles or binoculars or a gal with a telephoto lens from across a busy thoroughfare watching one particular handsome fella who has no idea as he carries his gym bag to the cab to go get even more toned. Hell, maybe I should write a book. haha. But I don't have the time or patience for that anymore. Been there, done that and it, in all it's horribleness, is around here somewhere never to be read by human eyes (alien eyes feel free).

When I was a little girl, Wichita Falls was THE place to go shopping. At least for my Mom and Grandmother. Every time we went, when we were getting close, we would see the old burned out house on the hill which people now know as the "Witches Gate", (perhaps I'll link to an interesting article about that.) However, just a little further up on the other side of the road, there's another house. Back in those days, I think it was an actual farm house with inhabitants but over time, I've been watching the slow process of decay: the roof slowly losing shingles, the boards becoming more weathered, the barn looking less used and the grass growing ever higher.

A few days ago, I was going shopping for something to wear for Thanksgiving, and as I glanced over, like I typically do,  HOLY SMOKES!!! The front door was wide open. Well well well. Fortunately, I always take a camera or two because you just never know what you're gonna see when you leave your house, so I stopped by on my way back home. It was getting dusky and there was not much light left. "The golden hour."

There were signs everywhere that there was video surveillance. Purple posts, etc. but I pulled up the drive like I owned the place or had every intention of buying it and parked just behind a little building which would shelter most of my car from being seen from the highway. I got out, wielding my camera only,  stupidly leaving my cell phone in the car for the first time ever, but I wasn't alone. I had a partner in crime along with me.

We eased up to the house and went in the back door.

Then, looking around, we kept on going...

I couldn't believe the perfection of this scene. Door open, staircase, window open and curtains billowing. Like an urbex, rurex dream. 

I just had to get a close up of that billowy curtain and that perfectly broken window. Too fantastic.

Stepping past the stairway, I went on into the living room. Wow man! Dig the tv and that fantastic fireplace. I was lovin' it.

Crossing back in front of the stair well, we find these wicked French doors.

Going through that room, which I didn't. This is where we end up. In a dining area I guess, right off of the kitchen.

The kitchen had some issues.  It also led back out onto the back room porch that we went in through.

There was more to tell but I ran out of time and this post was years ago. Still I wanted to post it. Perhaps, I will add an addendum one day.

This is was a fun explore and one I will always remember. :)

New Adventures

On a quiet winding road in the middle of nowhere on a Sunday afternoon, sat this beautiful old church. The ground beneath my feet was damp and even crunchy as I walked to get this shot. I could hear the blissful sound of a babbling brook across the tiny two lane blacktop but I didn't venture across to snap a shot of that. There will be plenty of those shots in my future.
I chose this little country church to be the first post in my new saga because of my firm belief that God has led me to be where I am. As He generally does, He closed doors that needed closing and opened up new ones so that I would find the path He has laid out for me.
I've been a wreck, emotionally and physically, since Feb 2018. I've been lost and hopeless. Sad and dejected. Going through the motions of a life that didn't really feel like mine anymore. I drank too much, I cried too much, I ate too much. I didn't exercise enough. I stayed in my home as much and as often as I could.
I made mistakes. So many mistakes. I traded in the car that was solely mine to get a fancy dancy SUV that was just taken from me in the divorce. I stayed with a man who didn't love me because he can't love anyone but himself because I hoped against hope that the life we had before would come back if I waited long enough. But it didn't.
I didn't do enough to make my kids happy. I didn't spend enough time with my grandkids. The list goes on and on.
So, after being summarily told by every single person I know that there is no place for me in their home, and on some occasions, in their life. Then, just as I was losing hope to the point I thought I would be going home to see my Mom in the great beyond, a friend of mine from years back offered me a place to stay in a town nearly 1100 miles away. No strings attached. Just come up and you can stay and look for a job up here and I've already had a couple of call backs for jobs so I feel like that is a good sign.
I've been here 6 days today. It seems like a lifetime for some reason but not in a bad way. I'm so very grateful for this friend, who really in the past was only a passing acquaintance at my old job as we worked different shifts and only saw each other at shift change, to have been so open that she gave me an opportunity to change my life.
It may last forever up here in this paradise or I may end up having to turn tail and run back home to Texas, but you can bet I'm going to do my very best to make a new life up here and start living for me. This is the kind of place I've always dreamed of. I even wrote a story once similar to this. Maybe it was a self fulfilling prophecy.
At any rate, in my new little journal, there's a page that says, "If you find yourself in the wrong story, leave." So I did.

~Thank you. God, for helping me to stand up, dust myself off and begin to believe I deserve a second chance at this life. I owe everything I am and will ever be to You, Heavenly Father. Amen.~

Perception

As my previous post mentions, I found gold recently in a flooded pasture. Not literally, but photographically. What looks particularly boggy, soggy and ugly in the broad daylight surely can take on magical attributes in the evening light. This is part of the idea of perception. Both photographically and literally.
Photographically, or as the photographer, not only is it important to see things as they are currently, but also to visualize them how they will be. For instance, as mentioned in previous post, when we crossed this path earlier taking Emma home, it was not particularly pretty. The only thing really that struck me was how much water there was and how close to the road it was. Then my mind began processing how it might look. When the sun slid down and the colors of the sky turned, would it be beautiful or just average? Maybe dull. But something told me it wouldn't be.
You can often tell by looking at the late afternoon clouds, or lack thereof, if it will be worth a look in the evening. If there are the high sweeping little tufts of clouds here and there, it's possibly going to be a nice evening to shoot.
This photo, however, I took on the opposite side of the road. No sun was grazing it and I cannot speculate why it turned this color, possibly the pasture land beneath, but even though it is a stark contrast to the ones taken 40 feet away, I find this one particularly lovely. I like it's simplicity and serenity.
No manipulation was done to achieve that color. I did my standard edits and teased it out a bit but it was there all along waiting to be found.
Such is life as well. You can survey your situation and see it as it is in the pain or anger or pleasure or fill in the blank emotion of the moment or you can try to see past that moment to the future and embrace what that will be like. It's all a matter of perception and the ability to rise above the moment, realize that all things pass in their own time, including this moment where you are feeling so alone, sad, bereaved, angry, conflicted, etc. In time, the light will change and shine in a different way illuminating everything and making that moment that was so horrible when you couldn't find your way into a distant memory. Your heart may still feel those pangs of sadness or glints of anger, but you will, if you seek the different light, make it past your anger or sorrow and into your serenity.
We only get one chance sometimes at the perfect shot, but fortunately, life gives us many chances to find our shot, our chance, our moment.
Embrace your life. It's the only one you'll get.

Decisions, decisions.... When to STOP looking for the perfect look.

Tonight we had to go to Azle to take Tinkerbell back to her Mom. I was grateful to not be having to go fight our way through the Ft. Worth traffic to their home, and it was nice driving down some twisty turny back roads that I've seldom been down. (If you never do this, I suggest you try it some time around sundown.) Anyway, we passed across a part of highway that was almost underwater near Boyd, Tx from the flooding of the Trinity River that runs through there. I thought to myself...oh boy, if we come back this way, I'm definitely stopping for some sunset pics of this. Ya know...maybe...if it looks good. :)

So we dropped her off, said our goodbyes and headed back. It was just getting to be sunset. The colors were nothing short of amazing. I asked my driver if he would kindly pull over (RIGHT NOW!!!) so I could take some pics. He generally always complies with my requests unless he thinks I might get killed trying them.

I walked across the road and snapped a handful of keepers and on we came toward the house so I could edit them. Mind you, don't sneeze, blink or breathe improperly in Bowie or some jackass cop who shall remain nameless will stop you for a bogus charge and spend 30 minutes sitting in the car trying to drum up some charges that they think will stick. I used to actually stick up for that person because I thought deep down they were a good person. Boy, was I so so so so so so wrong! But enough about that. Luckily, I wasn't driving and God kept his hand over my big fat mouth so I didn't get us in trouble. My driver is pissed but was polite to said officer. More than I could have managed and I'm sure that they will be after me next. Might as well paint a bulls eye on the hood of my car. All the drunks and meth houses on every damn street but by all means just be chicken shit and stop people for basically NOTHING and then dig till you find some bullshit to tag on them so your captain thinks you are rocking your job. Ugh!!!!!! I hope some day I get to be your nurse. Then YOU will see a power play. Oh me oh my. But I digress....

We arrived home and I downloaded my pics from the SD card and they were just as lovely as I thought they would be. So I picked one to play with and set out on my way to making it fabulous. It should be noted here that I had a conversation last night with a fellow photographer who was using a stand alone version of Lightroom and had not yet been converted to Adobe CC for $9.99 a month. Seriously, people...just do it. No I don't like renting a program either but having access to both Lightroom and Photoshop for that pittance is reason enough for me to continue on with it. I rarely use photoshop on it's own, but I do resize and sometimes remove power lines etc with it because it is easier for me than using lightroom to do those things. Anyways, I was telling my friend about "Dehaze". He said "What the hell is Dehaze?" That's when I knew he hadn't stepped up to the cheapie creative cloud.  So he is partially the reason for this post as well so he can see my DEHAZE in action.

I am posting four versions of the same shot taken with a Canon EOS 70D with a Canon EFS 24-70L lens.

The first has my minor adjustments in it. The highlights and shadows trick. The black/white trick. I DID use his contrast trick. But no dehaze and just Adobe Standard. It's basically just SOOC with minor adjustments. None of these are presets. All just little changes.

The second, I added a Dehaze of +31 .... yes it's random. No I have no reason why.

The 3rd I switched from Adobe Standard to Camera Standard. Notice it reddened out the sky and the reflection in the water.

The 4th I switched to Camera Faithful. You'll notice the sky is less reddish orange and feels more real to me.

I could have gone on and on for hours on this one pic. But should I have? When is enough really just enough? When do we stop tweaking our images and adding and subtracting the tiniest subtleties that probably no one really notices?

I guess it's the same principle as when an artist finally decides that his last brush stroke is truly his last. It's dependent upon our artistic vision and what we are thinking or feeling at that moment about that shot.

But tell me... which one do YOU like best?



Good night and God Bless.

Pity Party and then the Through "Another's" Lens Solution

Today I find myself having a pity party. I find myself worrying about too many things I cannot change for too many people. I find myself worrying about things I can change but that would change me forever in a way I fear would be for the worse. I am exhausted and depressed and whatever part of me felt like I was doing the right thing before is definitely questioning if I am the right person to be doing this. And then I think about alternatives. Imagine scenarios, mostly bad, so then I add guilt to my pity party. I no longer feel like my choice (or my life) is something to be proud of, a self-less act for an innocent. I now feel unsure and lost. 

I see quite a few of my good friends going through hurtful dilemmas of their own right now and suddenly the world I felt I was on top of a few months ago now seems to be spiraling out of control before my very eyes and I feel completely powerless to change anything about it. 

It makes me feel like that curtain blowing in a cool November breeze in an abandoned house. I don't know when to expect the next gust of trouble, or happiness. I don't know how long I'll have to recover before the next burst and will it be smaller or bigger? How much will it take to completely blow me away? Or will it first calm and I will return to the place I was before, quietly doing my job and not being subjected to such turmoil? I pray that I'm doing the right thing every day while feeling more and more in my heart that it's the wrong one. 

So here is the second installment of "Down Memory Lane" from January 1990. It gives me a new way to look at things, just like she always did when we visited. So maybe it will help some of you out there who are having problems and stresses that seem beyond your control. I know Metta would feel infinitely blessed if she helped even one of you. That was the person she was.

January 26, 1990

Down Memory Lane 

         By Metta Miller 

I think I will leave the beaten track of Memory Lane today, forgetting to remember, and be a bit philosophical. Hope you, the readers are not too bored.  

Our son sent a bulletin from Chaplin Service, Veterans Center, Temple, Texas. I like it...to a certain extent. It is: Yesterday-Today-Tomorrow. 

"There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension. One of these days is yesterday, yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone beyond recall.  

The other day we should not worry about it tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and perhaps its poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn. 

This leaves only one day...Today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time.  

Now my philosophy is, while we cannot change yesterday, we can tell that older, or neglected person we ignored yesterday that we love them, Today (and mean it),  perhaps erasing part, or all of the hurt. We cannot erase the careless, thoughtless words of yesterday, but we can say, "I am sorry" TODAY. (Not prefaced by, "if I have said or done", just "I am sorry") Today we can repay a kindness we received in our yesterday, by being kind to others TODAY. 

Today we can forget the hurts of yesterday by remembering the good times, the fun times of Yesterday.  

My memories, Down Memory Lane, the pathway of Yesterdays, has made me what I am today, Good, Bad or Indifferent.  

We came to our Today by walking the pathway laid for us Yesterday, whether rocky or smooth, by our forefathers. I feel it is my responsibility to help make TOMORROW better for my thirty plus great grandchildren and three great grandchildren by striving to fill each new day with pleasant memories as stepping stones to their TOMORROW. 

I cannot turn back time or control the future, as the writer states, but I can learn from Yesterday's mistakes, using what I have learned, to pattern a better Tomorrow.  

Today is mine to make a lovely memory for tomorrow's Yesterday, to be cherished in the future. Tomorrow will be influenced by the way I live and think, and yes, by the way I speak TODAY. Therefore I ask God to control my tongue, TODAY. 

May your smile brighten someone's life TODAY to be remembered in all their Tomorrows.  

Through "Another's" Lens- "Down Memory Lane" by Metta Miller (The Premiere Post on This Blog)

Through "Another's" Lens Preface:

I decided a while back to embark upon a project journey that interested me very much. Long years ago, on several separate occasions of working for Home Health through the Nocona General Hospital  Home Health in Nocona, Texas, I was fortunate enough to have the same patient each time I worked. Not to say she was my only patient. We had many ranging from the low days of maybe 60 to the high days of maybe 120, but this lady won a space in my heart that no one else ever had and to this day hasn't. 

I'm not sure how old she was when I began seeing her. She was born 8-8-14 and I began working in the home health care system in 1997 or 1998. Time already gets away from me. I could do the math but I don't want to. I'll just say she was a tiny sweet little white haired lady with the most infectious smile and eyes that glimmered with mischief even though she was legally blind. 

When I say tiny, I mean tiny. Thanks to osteoporosis, her height had diminished through the years. I'm not sure where she started, but she, to my estimate, stood about 4 feet 10 inches. Her shoulders were frozen, meaning she could not lift anything higher than shoulder height. Her closets all had special hangers that were popular back then for "space saving" but really they just hung really low in her closet so she could reach to hang up her things.

She was one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. I don't bestow that title on just anyone. Even now, after she's been gone close to ten years, I still think of her often, especially in times of strife or emotional turmoil and wonder what her "take" would have been. I wonder this because I never saw her experience any situation that she didn't turn it all around and find the silver lining despite all the storm clouds. 

My little hero...or would that be heroine...wrote an article for the Saint Jo Tribune for many years. I don't know how many, though I intend to find out no matter how long it takes. I want a copy of every single column she wrote. For myself, I shall make it into a book or an ebook. I am not sure yet. I just want it because I miss her and her stories and I am always inspired after reading one. I would like to pass them on to my children and my grandchildren for a few reasons. I want them to see what it is like to be truly selfless. I want them to read about what life was like back in her day. And I want more than anything, not that I really believe it is possible, for them to learn to find that silver lining like she always did. 

So I checked with the Bowie Public Library because they have an amazing genealogy/ local history section that people travel from all over to visit. (Did I mention I once worked there for about 8 months til I was wrongfully terminated by an insane librarian? I was found by a panel to have been wrongfully terminated but the city never gave me my job back or any compensation for that.) The nice young lady asked if I had inquired of the Saint Jo Public Library. Honestly, I didn't even know they had one. So I came home and called and the nice man I spoke to, Terry, told me that they did have copies of all the papers BUT they were in the back in boxes. He said I was more than welcome to come and look and do whatever I needed to do. 

I went that day and to the surprise of both of us several years were actually "bound". I had no idea where to start. So 1990 was the first bound one I saw. I didn't even know if she was writing then, so I grabbed it and we took it to the table and began to look. And sure enough. There it was. My first "Down Memory Lane" by Metta Miller.

I had this bright idea about some cool trick my Microsoft One Note was supposed to do which was to take a picture and pull the text from it. Ha! Nothing like that ever works for me but I did use my Microsoft Surface back facing camera to take pics of each of the columns that I could find. I was so excited to be finding so many. 

I went back the next day started in on 1992. I can't FIND them, but I know I had a good six months worth, but no worries. They've been there this long. I will get back over there to get them. 

Meanwhile...I pulled up the picture on one side of my screen and One Note or Ever Note on the other side and I read and typed them out. It's quite possible that I enjoyed doing them more this way. Because that way I was reading and absorbing them and remembering her eyes and her smile and her unflinching optimism in the face of all obstacles. I found myself learning so much about her that I didn't know and so wished I could go back in time to our many conversations during my nursing visits and ask her more.

I got to the point that I would schedule her visit at lunch time and I would order my lunch from somewhere and eat it with her at her kitchen table. She was always so filled with at the least acts of kindness. My act of eating with her made her very happy she said. She said she always ate more when she had someone to visit with as she ate. And I understand that because I don't like to eat alone either. 

So without any further adieu... I will begin throwing in one of her columns here and there in my blog. If I happen to have a picture that I feel like goes along with her story, maybe I'll post it but mostly I will post the picture of her column from the paper. I took the liberty of spelling a few things correctly. Mostly she was an excellent speller, but I didn't change the words at all. 

January 12, 1990

Down Memory Lane

         by Metta Miller

When I was young and in my prime, I welcomed winter time.

Now, I am old with creaky knees and have to enjoy the season in

Memories.

Before the era of school buses, school was never closed on account

of the weather, especially winter weather. Why should they have

closed the schools, then everyone lived in walking distance, and the

State did not pay on the basis of how many times a pupil attended

Classes. If there was no school the kids were out in the snow anyway.

Besides, this was the only time some children who lived two or three miles

Out of town got to come to school.

On pretty days these children had to work on the farm. On snowy or rainy days,

When they could not plow, hoe or pick cotton, they walked to town to learn the

Three "R's". Really, I think those were the ones who studied the hardest, for most

Of them knew they would not be able to complete high school and wanted to know

How to read, write and add their future days earnings.

No lunchroom then. Every one, except those who lived near the school, took their

Lunch and on bad days (the only time I took my lunch) we ate at our desks. I used to

Envy the "upper crust" kids. They brought their lunches in shiny lunch pails, which held

Such goodies as sandwiches made from store bought bread. My lunches were toted to

School in a small, beat-up syrup bucket. (It was beat -up because I hit my brother over

The head with it.) It held biscuits and home cured ham or scrambled eggs. Instead of

Fresh fruit, I had a small jar of canned fruit, or maybe berry cobbler. Little did I realize

Then that I had the better lunch. Not as eye appealing, but better for me, and it

Was certainly packed with as much love as could be crammed in a bucket.

Then I thought nothing of the fact that as the fruit ripened Dad would put a big box in the

Little, used to be red but rusty now, wagon and take all the kids too little to work to a local

Orchard to pick up the wind falls. If Mama was not washing for someone that day she went

Along. We were forbidden, by my parents, to pick any fruit from the trees, that fruit was

For sale, the windfalls were free. I really think Mama enjoyed those days, they got her

Away from the wash tub. Mom would work far into the night canning the days gleanings.

Dad and each child big enough to handle a knife was put to work peeling. Mom and Dad

Liked Indian and cowboy stories or sometimes they would tell of how things were around

Callisburg when they were young. This is where I got my small jar of fruit in my lunch

Bucket. I did not find this way of life unusual, for it was our way of life. It was up to each of

Us to improve on it, if possible. Above all, no matter what our station in life we were to be

Trustworthy, always keep our word and help others.

In fact, I think, "Help Somebody Today" was not just a song but our parents slogan which they

Practiced daily.

The love instilled in me by my parents go out to all of you, wherever you are. God loves you and

I do, too.

There's Luck and Then There's God's Grace

As you will all see soon enough (my faithful 4 followers...lol) I am about to branch this blog out into not JUST photography, but a few other things as well. I have a project in "time travel" that I'm working on which I think I will incorporate into this blog and every now and then I have just a regular thought that I want to blog about but I don't really want to manage 52 blogs, so I figure just throw it all into one. Through My Lens can mean many things...like for instance "the way I see things" be it with a camera or without. My conscious thought, if you will.

Tonight, we took my sweet Emma home to stay with her parents for a week to 10 days. We took her late because we had things to do and then we stopped off to feed her pizza (what was I thinking????) at Cici's, so it was later than usual coming back from Ft. Worth.

In my whole life, I've never hit a deer. I've heard about it my whole life. I have felt woefully bad for all the dead deer I see on the highways and I've seen some horrific pictures, courtesy of the internet, of deer accidents. I've lamented the plight of the deer and, at times, hated hunters (until I started dating one) because of the poor innocent deer who are out minding their own business and get blasted. (BTW Chicken Fried Backstrap is some of the best eating there is if you have a hunter who cleans his deer properly and processes it himself as if it were a loving act of kindness. )

So, for those of you who are not aware, on Sept 26, 2015, I bought my "dream car". It's a 2011 Camaro 2LT Convertible. Black on black. Gorgeous. Low mileage. Turns out I know the chick who owned it before me and she's a responsible driver and "grandma" like me so this car has been babied. But she's beautiful. I love her. A lot. The other night, at the promise of a hail storm, I stayed up til the storm was almost here and then left my home at 2 am to go park under the covered parking at the bank because I didn't want her to sustain any hail damage. I LOVE this car.

Tonight, as we are making our way home at a leisurely 85 miles an hour or so...give or take 5mph... I'm in the passenger seat Facebooking and my boyfriend begins to ask me a question. We never figured out what he was going to ask because out of the darkness jumped a huge deer. He saw it only milliseconds before it slammed into the side of the car. We didn't hit IT. IT hit US! And we pulled to the side and drove another 100 yards or so into the roadside park and drove to a spot under the lights. I got out, fully expecting to see half my car gone, blood everywhere. I steeled myself, readied my anger to start a cursefest because that fixes everything dontchyaknow?

And as we turned on cell phone flash lights and peered down the side of my precious baby.....we saw only the slightest disruption of dirt from about where the door opens down the side to the back. No blood. No dents. No mangled fiberglass or anything indicating we'd just hit a fairly large animal at that high rate of speed. Both of us were shaking. He, probably because he feared I'd kill him because he hit something with my car and me just because of the sheer chaos of it. Today had been a horrible day and this was just the topper.

We got back in and rode in silence for a while. He apologized. Said he was sorry he didn't see it sooner. Well had he not seen it as soon as he did, we'd have hit it with the front of the car and it likely would have plowed through the windshield and come through the car. I assured him I was not mad. I was grateful he swerved when he did and that no more damage was done.

As I said, I have been working on a project, kind of a blog from the time before blogging that a patient of mine used to do. It was a column in her local newspaper and she did it weekly for many years. Recently, after many years of wanting to scout them out and find them, I made my way over to the library in her small town, after calling and speaking to their kind library fella, and I began going through the archives that were bound. I've only got a couple of years and I was going to try to OCR them with OneNote but apparently that works for everyone but me, so I've been looking at the photos I took and typing them out one by one into both OneNote and EverNote.

At any rate, having been working on this project and knowing her mindset when she wrote, I saw this "incident" tonight in a different light. I see what could have been. I see how lucky we were. I see how God blessed us with just a wake up call rather than a death sentence. I am grateful for so many things. Grateful Emma was not with us, grateful the deer didn't come through the car and kill us both, grateful it didn't do ANY damage to my new car. Just GRATEFUL that God was watching over us both as we traveled the highway home.

As I mentioned, today had been a boohoo, poor me kinda day. For a multitude of reasons which I won't get into here or anywhere else. There are a number of things at work in my mind and in my life. And today was a day that I let the devil win and hurt my heart and make me sad and make me angry about my life and all the things that I'd done that hadn't been appreciated and then, in one instant, on the way home on the start of my "vacation", God said "wake up! Be appreciative of what you have." Not material goods. Nothing superficial like that. I have people who love me. I have people who call me friend. I have people who look forward to seeing me. I have the love of little children and giant men. And a few in between those extremes. I have a roof over my head. I have more food than I can eat in a year in my home. I am blessed. And even though I still have my moments of boohoo why is this happening to me, I know very well that God has blessed me abundantly and the more love I put out into the world doing good deeds and helping others, the more love He puts back upon me. I don't know how to describe it any better than that. I have done things recently that the old me, the skeptical me, would have never done. Not for recognition, like some do, which is why I won't post the details here or facebook or anywhere else, but because I feel like God called me to do it. I never understood before what that meant when someone would say "God called me to give this or do that." I never got what it meant. But now I do.

God asks that we have the faith of a mustard seed. Now the science part of me says no mountain is going to move because I tell it to, but I believe it means that if we believe in that which we cannot see, if we have FAITH in God, then He will provide for us and keep us safe. I've been living in Faith for a few years now and I have to say, it's a good feeling knowing God will take care of me. I don't worry any more. I am content from day to day knowing God has my back.

So...I feel bad for the deer. But I am grateful for this message. Thank you, God, for having my back.

This is me and my baby the day I bought it. I'll add a post deer hit pic tomorrow when there's light.